How to Write a Legacy Letter (Ethical Will): Prompts and Examples

What is a legacy letter?

A legacy letter is a letter to your family, friends or community about what matters to you: your values, the lessons you learned, the stories you want kept, your gratitude and your hopes for them. "Ethical will" is the older name. Despite the word "will," it doesn't transfer property or name anyone to a legal role.

Some people write one letter to everyone. Others write a separate letter to each child or grandchild. Some record a video or audio version, so their family can hear their voice.

How is it different from a will or a letter of instruction?

A letter of instruction is an informal document that helps your family carry out your plans, but it isn't enforceable (FindLaw). The three work well together: the will handles property, the letter of instruction handles logistics, and the legacy letter says what you most want people to know.

One caution: don't use a legacy letter to give things away. In some states a handwritten, signed document can count as a will, so a letter that says who gets what could create confusion or a dispute. Keep gifts in your will, and if you change your mind, update it properly. See what makes a will valid.

Where does the ethical will come from?

The practice has deep roots in Jewish tradition. The Encyclopaedia Judaica points to wills in the Bible, especially Jacob's words to his sons in Genesis 49, and calls the fatherly advice in the Book of Proverbs the prototype of the medieval ethical will. One classic is the letter Judah ibn Tibbon wrote to his son Samuel around 1190. From the 13th century, writing ethical wills became customary in some families (Encyclopaedia Judaica, via Jewish Virtual Library). The scholar Israel Abrahams collected many of them in Hebrew Ethical Wills (1926). You don't need to be religious to write one.

Why write one?

• To say what's hard to say out loud. Thanks, pride, an apology or a blessing can be easier to write than to speak.
• To explain the "why." Your will says who gets what. A letter can say why a cause mattered to you, in your own words.
• To comfort the people you leave. In a study of dignity therapy, seriously ill patients talked about their lives and what they wanted remembered, and the conversations were edited into a document usually given to family. Among 60 bereaved family members, 78% said the document helped them during their grief, and 77% said it would keep comforting them (McClement et al., 2007).
• For yourself. In a trial with 441 patients near the end of life, dignity therapy didn't reduce measures of distress more than other care, but patients rated it more helpful and more likely to change how their family saw and appreciated them (Chochinov et al., 2011).

How do you write a legacy letter?

1. Decide who it's for. One letter for everyone, or one per person.
2. Pick three to five prompts from the list below. You don't need to answer them all.
3. Write the way you talk. Plain words and a real story beat polished advice.
4. Be specific. "I was proud when you stayed with Grandpa at the hospital" says more than "I'm proud of you."
5. Leave out old scores. Apologize for your own mistakes, not other people's. Write words you'd be glad to have read aloud.
6. Keep it short. A page or two is plenty.
7. Sign and date it, and reread it every few years.

What are good legacy letter prompts?

Our free legacy letter tool gives you prompts like these and turns your answers into a letter you can print or save.

Your story

• Where did you grow up, and what do you remember about home?
• Who shaped you most, and what did they teach you?
• What was a turning point in your life?
• What work or accomplishment are you proudest of?

Values and beliefs

• What values have guided your biggest decisions?
• What do you believe about faith, meaning or what matters most?
• What causes or communities have you cared about, and why?
• What does a good life look like to you?

Lessons learned

• What mistake taught you the most?
• What do you know now that you wish you'd known at 25?
• What advice do you have about money, work or love?
• What helped you through hard times?

Love and gratitude

• What do you love and admire about each person you're writing to?
• What are you most grateful for?
• Is there anything you'd like to apologize for, or to forgive?
• What memory with them do you treasure most?

Hopes for the future

• What do you hope for them?
• Which family traditions do you hope they keep?
• If you're leaving gifts to charity, what do you hope they'll do?
• How would you like to be remembered?

What does a legacy letter look like?

Here's a short example, written for this guide. Yours should sound like you.

To Maya and Daniel, and to the grandchildren I hope to spoil for many more years,

I'm writing this at the kitchen table on a quiet Sunday, which seems right. Most of the important talks in our family happened at this table.

My father fixed radios in the back of a hardware store. He never had much money, but he never let a customer leave confused or overcharged. I've tried to live the way he ran that counter. Be honest when it costs you something. That's when it counts.

I made mistakes. I worked too many Saturdays when you were small, and I'm sorry I missed so many of your games. If I could do it again, I'd go to the games.

Maya, you have your grandmother's stubbornness and her kindness, and I've watched you use both to help people who needed it. Daniel, you make people laugh when they need it most. That's a rarer gift than you think.

Our will leaves part of what we have to the food bank where your mother and I volunteered for twenty years. We watched it feed our neighbors, and we hope you'll keep showing up there too.

Take care of each other. Call your brother. Call your sister. Forgive quickly.

All my love, always, Dad. March 2026.

How should you store and share it?

• Decide when it will be read. Many people share their letter now, at a birthday, wedding or holiday. Others seal it to be opened after their death. Both are fine.
• Keep it with your estate papers, and tell your executor where it is. Mention it in your letter of instruction, if you have one.
• Make copies. Keep a paper copy and a digital copy, and consider recording yourself reading it. Our guide to digital assets covers how to make sure your family can reach files you store online.
• Update it. Reread it every few years, or after a birth, death, marriage or move.